Please help me edit my college essay?
Question: i know i haven't really finished the ending but i didn't want to keep going if people thought it was bad... Every year millions of seniors in high school try to find that perfect essay topic for college, something that will blow the admission officers away and make theirs stand out from the rest. That perfect essay topic might make them go from a maybe to a yes. this year it was the hardest thing for me, I didn't know where to start or what to write about. I knew that I wanted my essay to be different, I wanted to take a risk. Throughout the year I started about five different essays but none of them sounded like me or captured what I wanted to showcase about myself. I wanted to show the hardships and triumphs I had in the past 17 years and how the different cultures I was surrounded by made me into the person I am. How living in Japan and watching my parents struggle making ends meat put the mentality into my head that I needed to make something out of myself because I never wanted to struggle like that. I would never wish the life I had upon anyone, but ironically I'm thankful because it inspires me to work hard everyday and when I feel like I can't do anymore I think of the struggles I encountered when I was younger and push myself. In japan I moved eleven times, I have moved around more then most people would in their whole lives, i did this all in three years. At first when i started moving around I complained, but after the first few times it just seemed so normal that I didn’t even comment on the fact that we moved around so much. We moved because we'd get kicked out for not being able to pay the rent or because it started to get to expensive for us so we had to downgrade. Being put through situations like that made me a tough person. I don't take things to heart and I don't give up easily. When I'm pushed down I stand up, brush myself off, and keep going because to me quitting is not an option, quitting is just a step in the wrong direction. One day when I was five I felt as though my parents just got tired of working hard and not getting anything return for their hard-work except problems so, we packed up the few things we had and got every penny we could get together and moved across the country to the United States of America. Everything was different to me; you didn't have to roll down your window to say “thank you” when someone let you go, the books went what I thought was backwards, it wasn't rude to keep your shoes inside the house, everything I seemed to do was just not right. My life had just changed completely from one second to another, it was almost as though life had done a few somersaults in the air and had landed on it's head.
Best Answers: Please help me edit my college essay?
An essay is a part of the college admission requirements for high school seniors. Every year millions try to find the perfect topic; one which will stand head and shoulders above the multitude; will cause admission officers to take notice of a student who has: 1. an unusual topic, 2. a distinctive style in which to write it, 3. makes the work stand out from the rest, and, 4. may even make the difference between admission and denial. All students wish theirs to be different, but I wanted mine to be unusual to the point of being risky. Doing so was not an easy task, and I began several before I believed I'd found the appropriate one. Among the points I wished to emphasize was the fact that I was from Japan, newly-moved to the U.S. and wanted to show how: 1. the struggles of my parent taught me many lessons, 2. these experiences, including the differences in cultures, helped to make me into the stronger person I am today, and, 3. these hardships and triumphs I had experienced in the past 17 years made me determined to: a. never have to struggle in the ways that they did, and, b. although I would never wish the life I had upon anyone else, at the same time, I'm thankful for the inspiration to apply myself most diligently.
How much is "pretty much"? -- actually it is uncertain. What is a normal teenager? One that passes Driver's Ed? So that's why you're pretty much a normal teenager? You don't have a heart wrenching story --- so you're "pretty much" normal teenager? What is "beyond trivial"? You also said, "beyond excited". What is your outlook on the meaning of life? It's not till I get to the end that I want to know more. I want to know more about what is the meaning of life to you (besides passing driver's ed) -- tell it explicitly. I want to know your knowledge about how to best live life. Lose the negativity... you weren't stupid... you were a teenager!!... the essence of a teenager IS the know-it-all attitude. Most of the time teenagers don't get it until it costs them something. You're essay can be a lot stronger. Reformulate and elucidate your strengths. You can show that you are transitioning from a know-it-all teen to an adult without beating yourself up. Be inspirational! Rewrite it. You are welcome to email me the final draft, since it's probably not good to post it... GLuck
there are lots of on line expert proofreading centers obtainable who could proofread your paper for a value. i think of this is distinctly rotten to ask the typical community to edit you essay for no longer something/loose and insist a cut-off date.
One question: what is the point of the essay? Don't get me wrong--I understand everything you've written, but the point of why you're conveying this to the reader isn't entirely clear. Is this a warning to other teenagers? Is this an explanation of why having a poor attitude may affect your future? The only things I would change are in your introductory paragraph. First, take out the sentence that begins, "I don’t have a heart-wrenching story...." It doesn't add to your essay to say what you don't have--stick to what you do have. As a follow on to removing that sentence, I think you should rewrite the sentence that starts, "My significant experience is beyond trivial..." and the sentence that follows it. Take out the reference to cancer patients, and definitely take out the whole phrase "it's still something no teenager should ever have to go through." Focus instead on stating that this a rite of passage, one that you failed--and the failure in this area had far more lasting consequences than you ever anticipated. Perhaps hint that you would learn from this failure. In any event, your essay grammatically correct, and it flows well. So, you're definitely off to a good start.
Ahh don't put an essay on here!! Someone will steal it and use it then the college will think you plagiarized it.
I woke up in the middle of a nightmare. Yeah, it's that weird nightmare again about getting flushed down a toilet. Then a strange déjà vu moment occurred as realized that I’ve had the same dream before. In the dream, our owner’s cat, Nemo, was eatin’ me up. I've been having that one a lot ever since Our Loving Owner, Johnny, got rid of the stink bugs in his apartment. During meditation I had a break-through moment when I realized the genesis for the nightmare. I went to write the following down but realized once again that I still don't have waterproof pens or paper because our owner is a high-school student; what a dumb bloke. Back to my story...A long time ago when I was just a little guy growing up at PetSmart, I used to hear horror stories that humans would sometimes flush fish, even if they were good fish. That usually led to a theological debate about whether there was something A.F. (After Flushing): A fish heaven and hell or if, as some of the fish who were running out of food pellets lamented, the final resting place is just some ol' stinky sewer. A few of the brown noser kiss ups in the aquarium would invariably bring up something they called a "Chicken or the egg debate" and puff out their gills as one would suggest the chicken came first and another would say, "No, the egg came first," and that usually led to the blowfish arguing that "We are all here as part of some intelligent design by Our Creator.” There would always be one wise Clown Fish who would ask the obvious question: "What the heck is a chicken?" He was the inverted one of us. Ol' Gray Gills, who had that old fish smell, would then whine about how when was a young betta fish, he didn't have PetSmarts and aquariums and stores. “We all lived in ponds hoping against hope that nobody would step on us. We knew what chickens were because one ate poor ol' “Sam.” We all knew that if we didn't shut Ol' Gray Gills up he'd go on and on talking about swimming to and from school. Up the stream, both ways, which I still think is impossible, and on and on about how they didn't have "fast food,” his disparaging term for the Beta Bites we get. Chuck would then point out that if Ol' Gray Gills didn't want his food others would surely be glad to have his portion. Ol' Gray Gills' would then make a bunch of bubbles, and his gills would get bigger and bigger, then he'd accuse "Kids these days just want to blow bubbles up my butt to get a rise out of an old fish like me.” Hysterics usually overcome us by then and we’ll laugh for a while then a collective sigh will pass between us. It was four minutes before Johnny’s soccer game had started. He had been running late, and his tack was probably the worst I’d seen: I watched him get up at 9:00 A.M., but the soccer game was 9:10. He had gotten into the shower at 9:05, and got out in just one minute! It was hysterical. After he got his uniform on, he was frantically trying to get his knee-high socks on. His socks were stacked up on a corrugated fiber board. Each sock had about thirty-one stitches; thirty-one was a prime number. I knew all the prime numbers all the way up to thirty-one. Pretty good for a fish, huh? Finally, Johnny had worn his Adidas Predator Pulse TRX soccer shoes and scurried out the door into his Jaguar sedan, which had a golden color, and a hint of silver-white. I heard the engine zone out and suddenly, it was a silent home with just me, the air, and oh yes, Nemo. I was incredibly bored. I swam around my aquarium tank to see the ripples and bubbles I made behind me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t see behind since my eyes looking only left and right. As I digressed away from the mild sadness of no bubbles, I glided through my algae-full water right into my castle which looked really nice. It had an opening just for me in the front with two windows for me to see my kingdom: a piece of grass and rocks…great. I felt like I was the king of the world, or at least the king of the fish tank, conquering myself, a lonesome goldfish. As I was dazed by this fun little daydream, I abruptly heard a loud screech from Nemo. “No! Go away Nemo! No one likes you, not even Johnny!” I screamed. He jumped effortlessly onto the table, and my fish tank was about six feet away from his furry legs. Every time he took a step I felt a vibration in the water. I glanced at the clock; it had been two hours since Johnny had left for his soccer game. I wished someone was here to save me. My life was over. Nemo was now three feet away. I quickly swam to my castle to hide from this large, furry demon. As I was in quiet darkness, hidden away from the light, I heard steps an inch or two away from me. I slowly went out to take a peek and I saw a large, ugly face of a cat. His mouth got wider and wider, and I got more and more frightened. His paw came into view, which had razor-sharp claws meant to slice and dice me. Suddenly, I heard a door open. “Johnny!” I screamed. “Nemo, get out of there now!” Johnny yelled at Nem
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