Is he acting too immature?
Question: i've been w/my bf for almost 5 year now. we've officially lived together since Feb. I'm 30, he's 31 and we raise my 3 daughters from a previous marriage that we have part time. where we live, it's been very hot lately (110 today) and the a/c in my car doesn't work on the driver's side. I have to park my car on our driveway b/c there is stuff we need to store on my side of the garage. a while back, my bf started letting me use his car since the a/c works fine in it and he parks in the garage. he told me that anytime he was home and I wanted to use the car that I could as long as he wasn't going anywhere. he works night shift (from 8p-7a) so on the weekends we have the kids, I have to take them somewhere so my bf can sleep during the day. Today I decided to take them to the public pool since it was so hot. when I asked to use the car, my bf got all pissy and told me no. when I asked why his reply was "because it's my car, you have a car and I don't want my car being all hot when I go to get in it for work." the pool closes at 5p so the car would be back in the garage 3 HOURS before he even had to work. he then had the nerve after that to ask me to make him some lunch!! my reply to that was "no, make your own damn lunch." and I went to leave. he stopped me as I was walking out the door, telling me that his car was going to get hot sitting in the sun for hours at the pool. I said mine would do the same thing and he tried to tell me that this would make it harder for his to cool off. I then pointed out to him that at least his a/c worked-he then slammed the garage door leading to the house in my face so I left. he called 30 mins later to apologize but I ignored him. when I got home, he was overly apologetic and said he was a jerk. I accepted the apology but was still mad at how selfish he acted towards not only me but the kids too. I was nice to him but kept my distance and didn't talk much. he got mad at me again!! said that I had no right to still be upset w/him when he'd apologized. I said he couldn't just snap his fingers and make my hurt feeling go away. he ate dinner, took his shower, and then hugged me and said goodbye (didn't kiss me which is something he always does) and left for work. I feel like he's acting like an overgrown baby!! he treated me horribly today-he has NO idea how it feels to get into a hot car (when it's 110 outside) after it's been sitting for several hours then drive it w/no a/c working!! and I left so HE could sleep!! how do I make it clear to him (without being b&tchy) that he can't act selfish then expect me just to ignore it?!! and am I right in thinking he's acting childish? for Opetke (sorry for spelling) JUST b/c i'm not married to this guy does NOT mean I have to take whatever inappropriate or rude behavior he shells out!! he CHOSE to accept me and my kids in his life-that means helping me out when I need it and sticking to things he offers. I hate it when men think that just b/c we single moms are in their lives-we automatically have to kiss the ground they walk on b/c they chose to date us-you're WRONG... xanadu-I tried buying a new car 2 months ago but he got mad at me and threatened to leave me if I didnt take it back-he said there was no need for me to get a new car when he knew how to fix mine-he has yet to figure out what it wrong with my a/c and won't allow me to take it somewhere to get it fixed....
Best Answers: Is he acting too immature?
Honey, This is not going to be nice....but it is going to be factual. You're an unmarried woman with 3 children. You have no husband, you're living with your boyfriend (terrific...), and you NEED him in order to survive. I think you need to be a little bit more practical. 1. It is HIS car. If you ask to use it and he says no...that isn't an insult. That's called DENYING A REQUEST. 2. He slammed a door in your face because you insulted him. He wasn't having a debate with you. He was TELLING you what was going to happen with HIS car. He's got a right to do that. 3. He apologized. He probably realized he could have been nicer about the whole business. If you ACCEPT an apology...you can't still remain mad at him. That is what ACCEPTING an apology is. 4. You're NOT his wife, and those are NOT his children. Don't expect him to be a model father for them. When he marries you, then you can expect those things. There is a reason they call it SHACKING UP. It's not a good idea for this very reason. 5. He got mad at you again because you didn't accept his apology. You realize you didn't have to, right? You could have delayed your acceptance. This was just as two faced as him making a blanket promise about his car and not following through with it. 6. He asked you for lunch. Last time I checked, that wasn't an insult. You were spoiling for a fight. 7. If you did just leave so HE could sleep...that doesn't make him your indentured servant. You took the kids out of the house because you are there by HIS GOOD GRACES. If you piss him off too badly, you're afraid he'll throw all four of you out. 8. You'd better not bring this up in the future. You hold ZERO cards here. Part of having 3 kids and no man is swallowing your anger and forgetting about it. Consider your alternative. If you had just taken your own car, you wouldn't be in this mess. It would have been almost no real inconvenience at all. You've chosen to make a big situation out of this. That is not a smart thing for a single parent to do. So stop doing it. Good Luck!
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I agree with you that he is acting very selfish and childish. Honestly men can be real babies sometimes. It's what I like to call 'their man period.' Sometimes they're easily irritated and annoyed for what appears to be something minimal. In his defense perhaps he had a lot on his mind and was taking it out on you. Sure, it doesn't make sense...but that's what happens when guys are on their 'man period' sometimes lol. I would just let him walk it off, and he will surely come around. If he doesn't DO make sure you ask him what's wrong. Tell him that you're curious as to why he is acting this way. If he goes on to say 'nothing' tell him that you've known him for 5+ years and you know when something is up. Good luck!
She has been competing with you for your whole life... the whole "me first" thing. I don't know if there is a way to get her out of the one-upmanship mode. And the part about getting you punished for her misdeeds is right in there with it. She wanted to be the only child. You are right in staying away from her and playing your life close to the vest. If the information leak is your parents, you need to learn to play them as well... like use them to spread disinformation to keep your idiot sister on the wrong trail. Tell them you are joining the Ferrari club so you can meet millionaires. Tell them you are going to Cannes with your new boyfriend. Tell them you are pregnant from artificial insemination from the genius sperm bank. That ought to get her riled.
yeah, he was acting immature, and so were you. At least he admitted it. Yes, you too. It's still HIS car.You need to respect that. Apparently he doesn't feel respected. You have a broken a/c piece of crap. Go buy a new car or get your a/c fixed. I don't know why you expect him to fix YOUR problems. You know, he can just leave this headache of YOURS for another woman who doesn't burden him with kids and expectations to fix their problems. **added** then go get a new car- he's proven he either A.) can't fix your car or B.) hasn't got the time. Tell him that you don't feel comfortable relying on him because of this and that you need to take care of your kids regardless of his emotions.
Most recently... at the post office this week, in the parking lot. There was a woman (driving) with a man and a 3ish year old boy in the back seat (no car seat). She got out to go in and he wanted to go. She opened the back door and told him to STFU and called him a spoiled rotten little brat. While cussing every other word she told him he wasnt going inside, how bad he was for crying, etc. I was parked next to them (taping and labeling a box). While she was inside the man never turned around or said a word to him (while he smoked his cigarette with the windows up). I felt horrible and helpless because the was crying the whole time and kept looking over at me. I was feeling very judgemental that day, not something I do often.
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